Sometimes a new housemate works out great and sometimes it’s a total disaster. So what’s the secret to finding a good housemate? It’s to Know Yourself. The most important step in the housemate selection process is taking the time to understand who you are and how you and your kids live at home. Do this part well, and you’ll reap all the benefits of a good shared home!
The Overlooked Step
The worst case scenario is moving in with someone who turn out to be a bad fit. I once talked to someone who lasted six months in a group house. She loved the location, her room, the kids loved it, but she hated having dirty dishes in the sink. When she interviewed to live there she noticed the dirty dishes and thought “I can live with it.” Turns out she couldn’t. And when she wanted to impose her needs on the household, it was resisted and they were at odds!! How much better if she had known herself and realised that dirty dishes were a “can’t live with.” Another example: two single mums moved into a house together. After they moved in they realised that one of them likes background noise, while the other can’t stand it. Neither one of them realised that noise in the house would be important to them.
In both scenarios the problems could have been avoided. This is why it’s so important to figure out how you live, how your kids live and what you all need in a home BEFORE you start looking for a housemate. People often skip this step and jump into the housemate search. I always recommend that before you start looking, you sit down and really think about yourself, your kids, your home, and what works best for your little family.
Save Time and Avoid Disasters
Taking the time to figure out your needs and the needs your kids have will save you time and energy during your housemate search. Interviewing a potential housemate is a critical step in the process, but it can be discouraging talking to an endless array of other single parents who aren’t the right fit. If you’re clear about what you need, you won’t need to agonise over whether someone is good for you. Cross them off your list if they aren’t compatible and move on. If you know what you’re looking for, you can be specific and thorough in your initial search and eliminate potential candidates before wasting your time with an interview. The more people you can say “No” to immediately, the easier your search will be. Never be afraid to say “no” to someone who isn’t the right fit!
The number one reason to take the time to know yourself is to avoid housemate disasters. The single parents who moved into a house together found a solution to their problem, but the dirty dishes single mum just had to move out with her kids. Sometimes there’s no way to compromise. Sometimes two people move in together and realise that one person absolutely Must Have something that other person absolutely Can’t Live With. Then there’s no choice but to move or stay trapped in a bad living situation. Living with an incompatible housemate can be a regrettable experience. Avoid the regret by figuring out what works ahead of time, and being thorough in your housemate selection process.
How to Know Yourself and Your Needs
So the secret to finding a good housemate is to Know Yourself, but how do you do that? Most people have never sat down and asked themselves “What do I need in a home?” I have a few methods to help get you started and ensure that you thoroughly assess what makes your home comfortable and liveable.
1. Imagine the Worst Case Scenario
If you don’t know where to start, think about the absolutely worst case scenario. What would be the housemate from hell, what house could you absolutely not live in. This will help you make a list of situations to avoid, and will get you thinking about your Can’t Live With’s.
2. List Your “Must Haves” and “Can’t Live Withs”
This is my favourite way to talk about living needs, and a great tool for determining compatibility with a housemate. Think about what is most important to you and for your kids in your home and daily life. Those things that are absolutely needed in life are your Must Haves. It could be a spacious kitchen or a seperate bathroom. Then think about what would ruin your home and make it unliveable, like too many houseguests or a pet you’re allergic to. You’re Must Haves and Can’t Live Withs are those aspects of your living situation you can’t compromise. Make a list, and use it to discuss compatibility with your potential housemate.
3. Ask Your Kids (If they are old enough)
They may have some perspective you don’t and give you some ideas you didn’t think off. Plus it bigs them into the experience and dec vision making process of the whole thing.
Take Your Time: Be Patient, Be Thorough
The real secret to finding a good housemate is to be patient and thorough. This step in the process is so important you don’t want to rush it. Some people spend years thinking about whether or not they want to share housing, and what that would look like for them. And that’s Ok! Take the time to get to know yourself, so that you can be sure you’re making the right decision when you finally find the home-mate that is right for you.
HOT TIP: Check out these blogs to further explore ways to find the high housemate